My Faith Hassle

Okay, do I deserve judgement?

Disclaimer: This blog is me thinking about my Christian struggles in public. If you’re in a place where a little negativity might shake your faith, please, don’t read any further. Love and Light.


“See, I believe if God is real, He’d never judge a man because he knows us all and therefore, he would understand the ignorance that make a nigga take his brother’s life, the bitterness and pain that got him beating on his wife.” — J Cole


I honestly think God expects too much from us. I mean, there are days I’m too lazy to get off my bed and brush my own teeth. I just lie there and tell myself I don’t smell so bad. If this is me on my realest days, how am I supposed to be all those things in the Bible? I mean, somewhere somehow, there should be a free pass into heaven because this whole thing is unfair.

Why am I here in the first place? Somebody that isn’t me ate a fruit without consulting me.

I wasn’t consulted and chaos was released over a fruit and for the life of me, I still don’t know what that tree was doing there. Just reason am, God basically gave them the option of disobedience. He dropped disobedience right into their laps! It’s like building a car and giving it the option of not working. I understand that God didn’t want us to obey him like robots, he wanted us to love him genuinely but then…sighs.

How do I become a Christian? I must believe in Jesus, the son of God.

Now, lucky me, I already believe in Jesus. Halleluiah! I am safe. Because I am safe, I carry my Bible and go around to ensure that other people become safe too. I sit them down, I open my mouth and I really begin to hear myself. Born of a virgin. Noah in the ark with all the animals. Jonah in the belly of a fish. A man who legit resurrected. That’s a lot to ask! That’s a lot to ask anybody. Does God see that it is a lot to ask? The default human response is disbelief, resistance. The default human response is saying what the… Will you really get judged for being a human being? For thinking it is untrue? For asking to see before you believe?

Does God see that asking a Muslim to leave his faith for something that is promised is a lot to ask? This said Muslim will be abandoning the familiar, his family, his culture; stuff that formed him. Does God see that he may say no to Christ not because he wants to be a little devil but because he wants the safe and the familiar and the thing that he truly knows?

In stories of precolonial Africa, our forefathers prospered. They had their own gods. They worshipped them and saw their own signs, their own wonders, their own visions. Their faith was solid and anchored on many evidences. Suddenly, the missionaries came and told them of another God, a bigger God, a better God. Does God see that leaving their faith was a lot to ask? Will they be judged too? Aren’t they allowed to disbelieve, to be suspicious, to rebel against strange people who came with slave traders?

How should I walk with God? Walk in absolute obedience.

If I were Abraham, I honestly would not believe that God would have me kill my son. I mean, how is this even a test of faith? How is this something to ask a once barren couple? So, are we saying if Abraham had disobeyed, we would have said “that guy really hates the Lord”?

I think God deals in the outrageous. The astonishing. The on-the-edge kinda feelings. I think He really would like Formula One or those people in Guinness World Records jumping through fire and swallowing blades. If he doesn’t, then why is the Bible full of shocking stories? Everyday, I wake up and wonder what God will ask of me. I’m afraid that when the test comes, I will not pass it. I’m afraid that when the test comes, I will dismiss it as one of those silly thoughts I have. I’m afraid I will fail my own test of allegiance to the Lamb.

How do I get to heaven? My righteousness must surpass that of the Pharisees.

I read Phillip Yancey’s The Jesus I Never Knew and I learned a lot about Pharisees. They were nasty people but guy, we don’t give those people the credit they deserve. Below is an excerpt:

The Pharisees atomized God’s law into 623 rules — 248 commands and 365 prohibitions — and bolstered these rules with 1,521 emendations. To avoid breaking the third commandment, “You shall not misuse the name of the Lord,” they refused to pronounce God’s name at all. To avoid sexual temptation, they had a practice of lowering their heads and not even looking at women (some were known as “bleeding Pharisees” because they frequently collided with walls and other obstacles). To avoid defiling the Sabbath day, they outlawed thirty-nine activities that might be construed as “work”.

So, guys, where do I start from? How do I live in a world designed against the Christian and still remember that my Lord and Saviour demands perfection? Like, Jesus legit knows that we cannot be perfect but he still asks it. He knows that I am living in Nigeria and half the drivers on the road in this country cannot drive. He knows that most of my lecturers deserve to be flogged publicly. He knows I was born with this hormones but he never wants me to stop striving to become something I can never be. Halleluiah somebody!

What should I do now? 

The Christian race is a marathon. I am like a runner who got to the start line and realised that I had stumps instead of legs. I am resigned to running this race with stumps and at the end, I shall be judged for “stumping”.

Anyway, I guess this thing will always be a struggle. Nothing good comes easy but God, this is a lot to ask a woman who cannot brush her teeth sometimes.



8 thoughts on “Okay, do I deserve judgement?”

  1. ‘I am afraid that when the test comes, I will not pass it’.

    Omo, I’m learning to tell God exactly how I feel, no more strong woman, no more I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me talk when my body is acting like it’s not my own. I’m learning to open up and tell him I feel sad, angry, hurt, depressed, happy, content, calm, horny, scared, anxious etc because ehn, at the end of the day, I am human with plenty emotions and sometimes, I don’t know what to do with them.

  2. What fundamental difference is there between Christianity, Islam or the traditional religions? Different cultures encapsulated their value systems in stories and called it religion.
    It’s a shame that people in Africa spend a good part of their lives trying to understand the stories the Jews told their children.

  3. For real tho.. I have stumps instead of legs.
    However there’s grace .. But then there are people who will not accept Jesus cos of every human reason possible.

    Well about that I’ll leave it to God.

    1. Even the grace is just a faith. We can’t see the effect. It’s just people professing to have it in hopes that it will manifest someday.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *