My Faith Hassle
To hassle is to bicker, to disagree, to be in a protracted state of confusion. Here, I share what it’s like to struggle with my faith and what’s it like to, in spite of these struggles, be unable to leave it alone. I discuss what I know, what I think I know and what I absolutely do not know. Here, I am a documentarian of my thoughts in hopes that I can one day look back at these thoughts and see myself a little clearer.
Last year, I encountered the word “male disposability” for the first time. It means that the world treats men as symbols, disposing and replacing them without hesitation. Use and dump. Like, yunno, plastic cups. Though this term was used as a response to radical feminists who think all men know in this world is bliss, I also see how men (read: humans) might be disposable to God. Use and dump. Use and deliver. Use and reward. All kinds of endings but it always starts with “use”.
In the Christian community, my kind of work looks unimportant and undeserving of conversation. Of course, I don’t intend to compete with the gospel but other things are attention-worthy too. It’s important we have all kinds of conversations and that all kinds of people are involved in these many conversations. I like to believe the church needs all kinds of Christians.
The Christian gaze demands I see everything through the lens of my faith: What is God’s plan for this? What will God think about this? What does the Bible say about this act or this person’s behaviour? The Christian gaze demands I be a Christian first and everything else second. I find this impossible. So far.
Disclaimer: This blog is me thinking about my Christian struggles in public. If you’re in